The new cabinet: Who actually belongs in the federal government – “Take a Jens on me!”
Justice and Consumer Protection: Jens Lehmann. He recently asked: "What's worse: murder or character assassination?" And just to answer this question openly and conclusively, he belongs at the helm of the Ministry of Justice. He's also fully on the ball when it comes to consumer protection; no one controls the quality of chainsaws as resolutely as he does, and no one tests the quality of advertising hoardings as uncompromisingly. And when he has questions, he quickly calls Dr. Merkel . A political all-rounder. And pleasantly infallible. In the long run, he's certainly a candidate for the Chancellor's office.
Nutrition and Agriculture: Thomas Tuchel has placed great importance on healthy eating for years. He also has experience with angry citizens from Bavaria. Furthermore, it's not new in politics that rulebreakers are expressly welcome!
Transport: Viktor Boniface may not be from the CSU, but when it comes to transport, he's as careless as the Scheuers and Dobrindts of this world. His only drawback: Unlike his predecessors, he still communicates a bit too clearly ("As soon as the rain stops, I'll look for a snail") . But he'll learn.
Foreign Minister: Philipp Lahm. Lahm has proven over almost two decades that there is no better foreign minister. He is also a master of meaningless statements, making him a perfect fit for federal politics.
Economy and Energy: Pele Wollitz Energy Minister? There can only be one. And let's see what they say in Davos when Pele Wollitz has tacked a few bars on the topic of justice into their ears.
Finance: Max Kruse knows his way around financial tricks. He distributes the money fairly, for example, to the often-forgotten group of precariously employed taxi drivers. And when things get tight, VW steps in. Top-notch casting.
Environment, climate protection, nature conservation, and nuclear safety: Oliver Kahn was already confronted with environmental issues (bananas) when, when it came to "global warming," most Germans were simply looking forward to beach holidays on Timmendorfer Strand during the Easter holidays. And let's put it this way: If the Americans let a highly flammable man with a red face and yellow hair get to work on the nuclear power plant, then so can we.
Interior and Homeland: Mario Basler The only gender-inclusive ministry in the cabinet? Of course, tough-guy Basler needs to clean things up! This can't go on!1!
Research, technology and space travel: Ralf Rangnick There are not many professors in German professional football , so we have to work with what is available to us.
Housing, Urban Development, and Construction: Xabi Alonso. No one has done more for the development of a city in recent times than Xabi Alonso for Leverkusen. However, if the goal is to achieve regression instead of development, then Kees van Wonderen could easily be installed.
Education, family, seniors, women, and youth: Joshua Kimmich. Years ago, he recommended that all German citizens think for themselves. And in less than a decade, he's brought four children into the world. And he still looks like a teenager.
Digitalization and State Modernization: Jürgen Klinsmann. Wherever Jürgen Klinsmann arrives, no stone is left unturned. He was the first to train with funny rubber bands from America, and he was the first to submit his resignation via Facebook Live. A pioneer. We believe this represents significant added value for any government.
Health: Dr. Müller-Wohlfahrt Whoever heals athletes of the century by laying on of hands will also be able to get the job from Lauterbach.
Defense: Toni Rüdiger . Sure, he's not an uncontroversial figure . But when it comes down to it, you'd rather have him in your own squad than in your opponent's. If you don't believe it, just ask Erling Haaland.
Labor and Social Affairs: Pal Dardai An honest worker who isn't above taking on the most hopeless cases again and again? Welcome to the cabinet, Pal Dardai!
Economic Cooperation and Development: Oliver Mintzlaff. No one knows more about economic cooperation than Oliver Mintzlaff. It's still incredible how he and his colleagues have managed to repeatedly mediate between Salzburg and Leipzig despite tough negotiations and bitter differences.
Special tasks and head of the Chancellery: David Odonkor If the special task is to sprint down the line and thunder the ball low inside, then David Odonkor is exactly the right man, absolutely! If not, then not. But he'll be fine. And to be honest, Thorsten Frei won't be much more competent either.
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